Always win when you’re singing

My thoughts yesterday concerning the freedom that we allow our children has provoked some reactions, mostly in agreement. My old friend Costigan comments

“The real risk here is parents feeling emotionally blackmailed into tracking their kids: ‘what if something happened and you could have done something about it’.”

And that to me is a nagging concern. The loss of a child, whether temporary or permanent, is devastating enough. How much worse to be in the position of being told that it is all your own fault. Just look at the reaction to the McCanns for leaving Madeleine and her siblings unattended. Now personally I wouldn’t have done it, but Kate and Gerry McCann were obviously loving and intelligent parents, who made a simple mistake with tragic results. Sara Payne received some adverse comments for allowing her almost nine year old daughter Sarah out to play in fields with her siblings. Every time a child goes missing, similar comments are aimed at the parents, or more usually, the mother.

Kate McCann obviously finds it very difficult to live with her guilt. For whatever the media and the know-it-all commentators say, she will clearly never forgive herself. Whilst not for a moment doubting how deeply her husband feels, I bet she feels it ten times worse - and going by the public comments on bulletin boards at the time, so she should.

Why do mothers always get the blame? Why in  two parent family, is it always primarily her fault? Why in a separated family do the media and public rarely ask where the father was? And why are other mothers usually the strongest critics.

A mother’s job is the hardest in the world, yet the overwhelming majority of our children grow up to be beautiful and bright members of society. Give us some credit when we get it right and some understanding on the odd occasions we get it wrong. Remember, whatever you say to us, we’ve said far worse to ourselves.